Lebjournal.com

When I was only 7 years old in 1996 just as the war was ending, I returned to live in Lebanon. At that point I was excited to meet my family and to live a new life. I was happy here in Canada but I liked the idea for some reason. As soon as we arrived in Lebanon, of course nothing was what we expected. It was dirty, there was no electricity, I knew of the violence and didn’t know much else, I thought the Lebanese weren’t like the Canadians … not polite or nice. I went to school and for the first time wanted to just run away- schools in Canada were nothing like that. At the age of 11, after much thought, my parents decided Canada was the better choice for us in all aspects. And they weren’t wrong. Canada in my lifetime did me many favours. And I am after all Canadian. Today, 9 years later. I am 20 years old and I think of Lebanon just like a child ..

I see Lebanon differently. Lebanon to me is a dream with many flaws. I accept its flaws though – I think they make it beautiful. I believe Lebanon is not the best in the Arab world but in the world. period. Lebanon in my eyes is NOT the “Paris” or “Switzerland” of the Middle East, I’m a firm believer that they are the Beirut’s of Europe. Beirut is not simply another city. Beirut has flair, class, trauma, and flaws. It’s so perfect yet so contradictory. Today, a year ago, I was in Lebanon in my hometown Tripoli. I was with my grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, and my cousins. I was in the place where the beeping cars is regular, where fireworks in the middle of the night is normal (And they used to scare me at times), where screaming ka3k ka3k is the best thing and where the air smells like heaven (not because its clean, but rather simply because its the air of my beautiful country). Waking up to a Lebanese breakfast in Lebanon is nothing like a Lebanese breakfast in Canada either even with a table full of food, a Lebanese sahra is not the same with the screams and yells of family members or the pureness of life, the simplicity. Now I simply feel like I’m ranting. But there’s so many out there that probably feel the way I do. Sometimes it makes you want to cry so you spend the day listening to Fairuz, Sabah, Wadi3, and the new ones too to make yourself feel better, you go from Lebanese channel to another hoping it’ll feel just like home and you try to connect with your country from that far distance hoping it’ll do something – knowing you’ll only sleep with a tear in your eyes and no Lebanon. Last year while on my trip, I also visited my mom’s country Syria. Syria is in many ways not so different from Lebanon. And I have one memory that honestly feels like gold and I wish I could go back to that specific moment and freeze because nothing felt better or more real or more me. Like in Lebanon, the electricity ran out as we were trying to party it up before I go back to Lebanon the next day. And just like many come from the beautiful villages of Lebanon, my mother comes from the farms of Lattakia city right by shati2 el-azra2.. and with no electricity we decided with a candle in hand – we will sing our hearts out and party anyway. We will sing from Fairouz to Dana – we didn’t leave out anybody. And though the electricity came back eventually, because that moment was so perfect, I wish it never came back. Family, good  food, Fairouz and politics right by your orange trees makes any day right and what you need it to be. People in Lebanon complain there is no electricity and maybe they have a point but when you leave Lebanon, you have no idea how much you miss that. Because here though I have electricity 24/7, that is all I have, it leaves you empty at the end of the day. This reminds me also of Fares Karam’s song “El-Ghirbi” — the truest words are in that song. So I hope for all those reading this outside Lebanon that Allah bring you back to your land and your family and that you never feel the need to leave again. FOr those still in Lebanon, what I can say, is value Lebanon because it is really the most precious piece of land and most precious to your heart – when you are there — you need nothing else – or so the girl who doesn’t live there says. But really, nothing is so great outside Lebanon. Really.

Tags: بلديات, شباب, قرأت فأعجبت فكتبت, مجتمع // 2 Comments »