
By stephanie matta
“This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be constructed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.” Or is it???
She can’t really trace it back to a certain point in time. It’s not one of those things that you notice happening, it’s more like an uneasy feeling that just hangs over you that you can’t really discern, and then one day, you wake up with a suffocating feeling, and then you know, don’t ask me how, you just know: it’s over!
That’s the feeling she woke up with that day: in her bed, on the surface everything seemed ok but something was weighing down on her, like her whole body was suddenly thrown into panic mode. She looked around her, at every single inanimate occupant of that fancily over-decorated room, yet everything seemed to still possess its annoying passivity, yet she still couldn’t shake the feeling away, something had changed…
Come to think of it now, deep down she did know, the feeling that finally materialized that morning in her room was the same feeling that she tried to chase away every day with her banal luxurious pastimes because it was a constant reminder of her failure as a wife, a lover, and most importantly as a woman. But in the past few years she had learned that in the society she was living in, it was all about appearances and keeping them up, and that’s how the charade began…
And that is why that night, in keeping up with the brilliantly crafted charade she had been living in, she would dress up in one of the many designer dresses she had bought, and that at night, when their friends would applaud her on, she’d brag on and on about how her husband had surprised her by secretly designing it. Yes, she had mastered her role, but then again practice makes perfect. Ironic, isn’t it? When he first introduced her into their upper class society, she laughed at how engrossed they all were in their illusions that they failed to notice how fake it seemed to any outsider. And yet there she was now, a few years later : an active member and valuable contributor to their “plastic” world.
Yes at night, he’d hold her hand as he walked her across the room, he’d compliment her, well he’d always been a gentleman, and then when the formalities are satisfied, he’d start mingling with his business associates and she’d slowly retreat to the buzzing beehive of gossip that the other wives had already created. And at night as they undress to go to bed, they’ll discuss with pity all the broken marriages they witnessed that night, unaware, maybe even intentionally, that their own was also on the list.
She knew the scenarios all too well, and yet she played along, because as far as she was concerned there was no longer another way out. ..
And so, that night, the scenario unfolded, true in every aspect to the little images she had conjured up in her head, as if she was the puppeteer who governed their every movement and thus able to predict it beforehand, but the truth is, that over the years it had just become too predictable, and she had become too aware, and yet she still refused to see. But that night, with that crude sense of awakening that had haunted her bed that morning she was no longer able to blind herself, for the first time in a long time, she had to see, and she did. She saw the way he flirted openly with everyone else, the belittling looks his flirtatious approach merited her, the way that love story that had erupted 10 years ago had so obviously been long forgotten, but most importantly she saw how he looked at her as she walked into the room: She was the newest addition to their group, the wife of one of their associates yet that night she was alone, she had a raw sense of beauty about her, one she possessed simply by the virtue of being “new”, untouched and unaffected yet by their whole air. She was wrapped in that aura of innocence that still seemed to engulf her and that so easily attracted the attention of everyone around. Yes, she noticed the way he looked at her as she waltzed alone across the room, she noticed how he made excuses to be around her, to talk to her, to make her acknowledge his presence in any possible way.
How cruel can life be, so that at the same day that she can no longer deny that her marriage is falling apart, that at that exact day, her husband decides to portray his infidelity even more blatantly!! How much more of this can she handle? Her perfectly predictable scenario seemed to be running slightly off track and she wasn’t sure she could handle it…
But in everything in life, like they say, there are hidden blessings and that night, in the midst of the horror she was experiencing firsthand, she would come to learn that. Drink after drink, the innocence the new arrival possessed faded away, and bit by bit the alluring presence that seemed to so totally inspire awe seemed to merit only pity. She drank on and on, her seductive sway turning into a revolting swagger, her insightful theories into nothing but a mere jumble of indiscernible slurred speech.
Her transformation right there, in the middle of their dinner table, left them all spellbound. It was nothing they hadn’t seen before many times in their fancy get togethers: people drinking over their limit, looking for an escape, hoping to forget. But people like that fit into certain stereotypes, a stereotype that seemed so unlike her.
She thought about her own life, now as she looked at the woman who was still barely awake, rambling madly at the dinner table. When will her life push her over that limit? God knows her marriage had fallen apart, how long will it be before she is the one stirring up a fiasco? Right then, right there, with everything that had happened that day, she decided she deserved more. Tomorrow, or no, let it be tonight, tonight, she would tell him that she knew about him, his little “late night meetings” and his “golf games” on weekends. She’d tell him she saw the way he looked at others, and that she deserved more than the looks of pity that his behavior merited her in the eyes of others. She looked at him, staring in some kind of fear at that night’s “entertainment” as she was ready for her grand finale. Yes, for sure, she thought, tonight she would tell him they were over!
And then, right then, she felt his hand slip into hers, as she felt his grip tighten around her. Was he able to read her mind? She looked at him, only to find him looking at her, in his eyes a look of love she had lost more than 8 years ago…
She was still in shock, when they got up to leave. Her husband offered that they’d drop of the passed out lady at home. As they slipped into their car, she still couldn’t shake off the confusion. As he revved up the car, his hand slowly found its way into hers again. She started to say something, to complain, to inquire; there was a lot she needed to say.
“shhh!” he stopped her with a gentle kiss, as he whispered into her ear: “I know I have been wrong. But we can still fix this.”
She didn’t know if they could, she wasn’t sure, there had been way too much damage. But whatever will happen from now on, she’ll always remember that night with a sense of tranquility and peace: it was the night that a woman’s decadence had saved her marriage!!
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Tags: مجتمع by rita chahwan
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