Tags: ثقافة وادب وناس by Samer Semaan
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Tags: ارشيف الموقع by CheGuevara
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سلمت امس وزارة الاجرام والتجارة الى السيد مجرم فلان الذي كان قد طرح برنامج لانعاش قطاع القتل والاجرام وتجارة المخدرات طبعا ،وقد وعد اللبنانيين بانه الرجل المناسب في المكان المناسب ….. ولا يفكرنّ انه سيغض الطرف عن واجباته الاجرامية والمخدراتية .

وابرز ما ورد في برنامجه :

- تجديد طرق القتل ووسائل التفجيرات

- الدقة اكبر في تحديد مواعيد التفجيرات

- الصدق في اعلان اسماء الشهداء

- قصف عمر المغدور ومحو عبارة “شهيد حي ” من القاموس

- تحويل الشهداء الاحياء الى شهداء فعليين يفتخر بهم الوطن وبدمائهم الذكية

- نقل موقع الضريح الى حيث يمكن تفجير ما تبقى من جثة الشهيد

- تفجير ما تبقي من مناضليين سيادين

- ضرب البنية التحتية لاحزاب لبنانية بارزة في المجتمع اللبناني

- اشعال الاثنا عشر مخيم سويا فيبدو المشهد كزفاف مهم في السماء

- مسح الارض في الجنوب (مسح = تمسيح ) والابقاء على الارض العذراء من اجل البدء في زراعة مخدرات باب اول

- ادخال قطاع المخدرات وتجارته في البرامج الدراسية والحلقات الحوارية وذلك من اجل خدمة الهدف المرجو

- تحديث عملية الزراعة وانشاء معامل على البخار لتقوية “دوزاج ” الشمّة

ختم بيانه الوزير الفلانة بانه يستنكر جملة وتفصيلا انتخاب الرئيس ، وقيام الحكومة “بس” بقطعلنا ياها ، لانه بات وزيرا بها

شكرا لاصغائكم

Tags: سياسة by rita chahwan
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Lebjournal- Three blonde women were stranded on an island. While trying to dig their way out, one of them came accross a buried lamp. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish, in return for saving him.
The first blonde woman asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The second blonde woman asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. She is instantly turned into a black haired woman. She then builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The genie turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

would anything more be said?

Tags: ثقافة وادب وناس by TanToun
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A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that’s right – women can browse men from floors of choices.
Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes… a nifty setup – with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?
So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

you see my dear friends nothing would ever please a woman:P

Tags: ارشيف الموقع by TanToun
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هل هذا ما نتمناه وماذا بعد؟

ايها اللبنانيون هل وصلتم الى هدفكم ام بعد ? هل وجدتم مبتغاكم ام لا؟  أرجو ايها الاعزاء

ان ننتظر بعض الوقت حتى لا نصاب بخيبة امل . فما حصل في  بعدالانتخاب جعلني أتذكر

كم ان اللبنانين تخونهم الذاكرة فبالماضي اطلقنا الرصاص إبتهاجا” وبعد سنوات أطلقنا الرصاص على الرئيس

فلنتريث بعض الشىء لنرى ان كان التاريخ لن  يعيد نفسهوبعد التاكد  نطلق التهاليل

والمفقرقعات في الفضاء ..

نتأ مل بك خيرًا ايها العتيد المنتظر.

Tags: سياسة by el_amira
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The contributor of the month “Antoun Boustani “!

Lebjournal.com would like to congrats ANTOUN BOUSTANI for his work , he was chosen to be the contributor of the month since he wrote a very interesting articles and he suggested a new section : jokes and hes writing in the facebook gossip

Congrats antoun

Keep it up !

last articles written by antoun :

It’s The Dog’s Fault, I Swear!

I want a Day OFF

Did you see me rob this bank?

Do you know what is around you?

Music

*Note : the contributor of the month will be held in the end of the month the editor and the administrator will pick up the best articles and we will see wo deserves to be the contributor of the month

Tags: ارشيف الموقع by rita chahwan
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Rise out of your grave!
Rise out of your remains!
Dress up and come back again!
Gather your bones and join them back!
Rise out and kill this crack;
The melody is mating you in the dark.
Wear your skin and rise out of this dark.
Come up from this coffin,
And back to the life.
It’s still going Thy life has become a wreck,
Drowning in your blood to the neck,
Swimming in despair and sorrow,
Having no hope to get for tomorrow.
Thou have become wreckage.
Think not of what you are today.
Think of what you’ll be tomorrow.
Think not life hath an end,
Think of eternal life,
Because thy soul will never die.
Everlasting it’ll flutter in the above sky,
Wandering between these clouds,
Never alone or apart from me,
For oft it’ll lie on my touch
For oft together
So, walk out of this graveyard!
Close this gate behind,
And get o’er this sorrow.
Listen for this tortured heart
That has lived in your coffin before
And all it got“GODOT “
So, rise out all this godot waiting
You’ve been born today,
Rise out! Thou will die tomorrow!
Clutch at these last moments
And bring glee to the life that’s thine
Not everlasting you’ll lie in this coffin.
Not for oft wandering between the deaths,
To search for your heart.
So come out of despair,
And step aside from this lost road.
Rise out!
‘Tis worthless,
Stay not till ever bruised
Back to the life that’s still beating
So, rise out!!
Why can’t you rise out now?

Haneen Sidawi

Tags: ثقافة وادب وناس by Holy Queen
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lebjournal.com-A young man has a great date planned with a hot chick, unfortunately he’s also got a bad case of gas. Upon arriving at the girl’s house to pick her up, he meets the parents and waits for her in the living room while she finishes getting ready.

At this point his stomach is turning and he’s doing the best he can to hold his gas. This is some serious stuff too, beer and beef burrito farts – the stuff dreams are made of. Luckily, just before he was about to explode Spot, the family dog, jumps on his lap as he sits on the couch. He figures it’s safe to let out alittle bit of the pressure and and if anyone notices they’ll think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks to himself, “Thank God! They think the dog did it.” Seizing the opportunity, he lets out another fart and the woman, again, yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a few more farts when, finally, the woman yells loudly, “Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you!”

Tags: ارشيف الموقع by TanToun
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lebjournal.com-Sometimes when we are alone, we think how two persons could love each others, but

We can’t feel it really unless we touch it and smell it, ourselves.

A person cannot talk about love, unless he’s a lover…so lovers are crazy or normal persons. Maybe we are lovers maybe not. Maybe our love let us become very mad

And our madness let us become such as unforgettable persons….

That’s how I love u…and I become crazy about u..i choose the madness way to love..

With u all become nothing. Because you are everything, y

I am mad in your love with you but without you I become mad without your love.

Donna

Tags: ثقافة وادب وناس by donna
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lebjournal.com-Bas ma 2eltile ……. Wen sekne !

When I hear that sentence I beg god to crush the hour and stop the whole world their … tic tic tic tic ….. 3amma le , still working properly …. Tic tic tic … and he still asking such stupid question like :

- ade 3omrik

- chou 3amle liom

- ah , ou fi 7ada be 7ayetik

- ah l hay2a mich mabsouta ma3o

- le narvazte ????

- tab ma 2eltile …. Chou 3amle boukra . hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

when I hear the first sentence , I wish that the “kahraba toftas” I wish from the bottom of my heart ” 2eno yrou7 l chy fyouz bel cheche ” …..

I don’t know how should I answer , should I say :

- ya 2ew , fuck off

or should I say :

- khals ma mafhoume le3be . stop their

or should I answer :

- I am married I have 20 children and 6 husbands

Tic tic tic tic tic ….. answer me , why you keep “rewinding ” same words and same questions with each girl in the world ? and the funny part , u keep having same answer LOL

Tags: مجتمع by rita chahwan
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lebjournal.com-So you want a day off ,huh? Well, let’s just take a look at what you’re asking for ok?

There are 365 days per year, making that 52 weeks. You already have 2 days off per week, leaving just 261 days available for work. Since you already spend 16 hours each day away from work you’ve used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days left to work. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks which accounts for 23 days each year, now leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch break each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave, leaving you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

Look, we generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be damned if you’re gonna take that day off!

Tags: ارشيف الموقع by TanToun
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كتير حبّيت بلّش هالموضوع  بمقاطع من أغاني الفنانةالقديرة ” تانيا صالح”

— نحن الجيل الجديد سمعتنا بالحضيض، ما في شي طالع بايدو ، هيدا الجيل الجدي، عالف كل المسائل، عن حالو منو سائل طالع لبيّو عائل جبلو هديّة ععيدو

يا سلوى ليش عمبتبكي، عم ببكي عالحقيقة، اب قومي تنرقص دبكي وعلّي صوت الموسيقى، هالعمر بيمضى بتكّي ما تستنّي ولا دقيقة، الحقيقة اللي قدّامك بعمرك ما تقوليها، الكلمة اللي عراس لسانك يا بلعيه يا بلعيها، ما ناقصنا معلومات منحكي بتلات لغات، وساكتين ما أحلانا، يسواك ما يسوانا، الحقيقة مرة يا بنتي، وانت قلبك حنون، لا سمعت ولا قشعتي، خليكي بلا عيون، ولمل تشوفي شواز حطّي فيزا عالجواز، و فلّي اذا قدرتي، وين نحنا ووين انتي؟

ما أجمل ما غنّت تانيا صالح وما أصدقه، أوليست هذه حالتنا، نعم نحن الجيل الجديد، نقبل بما أملاه علينا التاريخ ونسكت، لا نعرف اين الحقيقة ونيأس ونرحل عن هذا الوطن

وتكمل تانيا: “عالمية نفس القضية،الكل شاف وهرب، ولامونا واستضعفونا ودقّوا طبول الغضب، عالميّة نفس القضية، استنكارات وخطب، عطشانة خليلي ميّة…….قّلّي عمين العتب

هيدا مش بهدلة للشعب اللبناني، هيدا بس تحيّة لسيّدة لبنانيّة، كان عندا الجرأة انو تغني الحقيقة، الحقيقة اللي كلنا منهرب منا ومنخبيا لانو منستحي فيا، منستحي نقول، انو نحنا اللي ما عمنعمل شي تنتقدم وكل واحد منا ملهي بحالو و ناسي الهم الكبير اللي هوي الوطن. تانيا استعملت صوتها تتغنّي للوطن، نحنا على هيدا الموقع عمنستعمل القلم، حدّ السّيف، خلّي كل واحد منّا من خلال وظيفتوا يشتغل للبنان

Sarah R. Hajj

Tags: ارشيف الموقع by sarah hajj
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A passionate day !

lebjournal.com-Like each Wednesday I opened the door of the class , I heard ” va pensiero dulate …..” , a piece of Italian opera , I heard the same beats same words like each Wednesday at 5 o’clock , same chorus same faces but different ambiance …
Am I living the same reality with different details? I asked my self
How boring is it life , how boring are those Wednesday , how boring is this song , no life in the melody , just like a black paper stick in ur face black paper on your nose , this is what I call Wednesday at 5 o’clock…….

Suddenly, music stopped, hands clashes, everyone changed the angle we changed our perception our “champ de vision ” , sounds like new word “P A S S I O N ”

PASSION , u should sing with passion u should smile with passion , everything in life should have the passion as a center , he said .

If you lost the sense of passion in your life you can consider that you ARE DEAD , WHAT about a song ? what about a voice without no life ?

A passion , a passion , the passion , passionate I left the class , thinking how much I adore that word P A S S I O N , thinking how life for me have once reference passion , how come I lost that sense one day ? how come I am walking right now , leg after another with passion , how did I lost years without my favorite word passion !

I used to think that there is a strange analogy between passion and sex , I used to think that passion mixed to sex will definitely mean LOVE , I used to think that there is no love , and there is only one concept in this life called PASSION , yet how did I left all my values my life my favorite word for so long ? how did I lost the sense of living ?
Is it me , is it someone else pushed me into the black whole ? is it everyone and me !?
Or is it the uncontrollable passionate soul ?

Like each Wednesday , was walking from university to home thinking how boring was this day , and how sad is it my life without an irregular sense of passion prisoner in my soul waiting HIM waiting his eyes his lips his hands to crush the passion density in my brain , waiting HIM my source of passionate life !

Never been their before , never been their for real , I was maybe using my illusion watching my pen drawing a new passionate life . never been their before , never felt the kiss the touch the hug the passionate existence when you ask for more and more and asking that LIFE SHOULD stop their in that moment , exactly this moment .

Never felt that I am in a passionate reality knowing that I wrote the world of P A S S ION I wrote the concept I was scared that this illusion was made by a christall could be broken in 2 pieces 3 even more , never felt that passion yet I felt the reality of existing in a normal life walking like each Wednesday from home to university from university to my sweet home with a real man but without a passion

Never been their , I had what each woman dream to have a ring in my hand yet I felt like a prisoner like a real one I felt like a crazy chicken shocked of being killed by the reality the indifferent reality , I was in every women “reve” I was their , didn’t want but I was , maybe they saw in me the frequency I mean the passionate frequency maybe they felt that I have it all I have it in my walk my touch between my tongue and my lips in the corner they felt that I am living in my illusion and couldn’t accept the fact that this ring was for me , the ring was dead no life in it a circle with no beginning with no end , a circle with no end a life with no end this is what I felt , this is what made my life like hell for 3 years a life with no end , I wanted the end badly I wanted to cut OFF THE REALITY of being in the real world , me the passionate soul!

Like each Wednesday I saw that I am real I am free, I am in a passionate life without no end , this is my reality my identity …. This is so simple ME , but who made me alive again , is it the passion ? is it the fact that I am living in my illusion world ? or is it u ?
Is it you who made that substitution, who gave me again a passionate smile walk smell , is it you ?

“c’est toi ” …. Ou c’est le fait que tu m’as rendu mon MOI !

Am I living another reality which despite will become like that ring one day ? am I gonna see the same meaningful ring one day again ? oh holly god , protect me from boring life boring days boring nights without the smell of touches over my body , touches killing my soul deep inside , oh holly god I don’t wanna be marry with the fucking boring life , I don’t want , I don’t want that ring again I don’t want a normal stupid life stupid dreams stupid axes stupid moment like when two fucking lips moves , moves motivating 2 fucking body just like that as simple as that , holly god I don’t wanna be the holly marry , I m not ….. I am the passionate lady ! cant be otherwise just cant be ….

Like each Wednesday I hate god screw on him on his boring stupid life screwing on the stupid moment in this stupid normal life , hating the kids hating a stupid wife scared of being like her having the same ring between my hand hating the fact that I will be a stupid sexual machine one day a stupid mother running after some stupid kids ….. scared of being like them one day no passion living like a bacteria

Like each Wednesday at 5 am feel sorry concerning the fact that I did hate god marry for no reason splash on their face for no reason or having one reason that I am a passionate person between normal ppl ……

Like each Thursday morning , go to someone …. Give him all the negative bad stupid ideas thanking god , that I am passionate with normal ppl

r.c

Tags: ثقافة وادب وناس by rita chahwan
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lebjournal.com-Johnny wanted to have s#x with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else…
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, “I’ll give you a $100 if you let me screw you.

But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, “I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend…

So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down.” So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, “The idiot used coins!”

so girls, never listen to your BF   !

omeros

Tags: ثقافة وادب وناس by rita chahwan
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